Brice Royer

I went to my library and accidentally stumbled on a book with a catchy title.

The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die

Ooh… I love secrets. It caught my attention.

Why am I so interested?
It’s not just because I love secrets. The reason why I was interested is because it reminded me of my own experience with death. At age 19, my doctor once misdiagnosed me and told me I was going to die.

I didn’t want to die.

Facing my own mortality really scared me and I felt very anxious about everything. A 14-year old once clearly explained this to me: “Dying sucks.” I think she’s probably right.

Have you ever been faced with death? Maybe you have. But even if you never experienced that, you don’t have to go through a similar experience to relate.

Anyway, I picked it up and it’s about a consultant who interviewed more than 200 people from ages 60 to 106 about their secrets to happiness.

Sounds familiar… did I read this book before?

I opened the book and the table of contents and the 2nd and 3rd secret got me hooked.

The second secret: leave no regrets
The third secret: become love

Let’s read “leave no regrets” first.

On page 56, it stated:

“Over the years, I have led many personal and leadership development retreats with my dead friend Dr. David Kuhl, a gifted physician and author. During workshops, we conduct an exercise whereby we ask people to imagine that they have only six months to live. We tell them that they cannot be certain whether these will be healthy or difficult months. We then give them a specific date precisely six months from the day of the workshop.”

“Pretend that on that day six months from now, you will die. What are the five things you must do before that time?” A tense stillness comes over the room, often covered up with awkward humor. As people begin to write down what they must do in those six months, they most commonly write about relationships that must be healed. Sometimes there is a dream long deferred.”

Bob, the 59 year old biologist talked about being estranged from his parents because they didn’t approve his marriage.

Lucy, in her 70s, had been estranged from her mom and hardly talked for 20 years. “I wish I would have reached out to her sooner and tried to show her how to love. I would say anyone who will listen, if there’s something you have to say, say it sooner, even if you don’t feel ready.”

One woman, Betty, didn’t talk to her son for 20 years. A small hurt had turned from years of neglect, into a large wound. She called him and told him how she felt. “I can hardly even remember now what happened between us,.. I am sorry for my part in it, but 20 years is too long for people who once held each other in their arms. ” Her son reached back to her with his voice, and years of hurt were set aside.

Of course, there is no perfection in this life, and there will be some regrets no matter how carefully we live our lives. But still, these people showed us how to deal with regret.

Here are some notes and reviews. You can read more about it on Amazon.

In the second secret (leave no regrets) Izzo states that in “his experience from the last 30 years, validated in these interviews, death is not what we fear the most. When we have lived life fully and done what we hoped to do, we can accept death with grace. What we fear most is not having lived to the fullest extent possible, to come to the end of our life with our final words being `I wish I had.’…to leave no regrets we must live with courage, moving toward what we want rather than away from what we fear.”

The following is a brief synopsis of each secret:

1. Be True to Yourself. You must follow your heart and your dreams, not the dreams someone else has for you. This may mean making a radical change in your life, or simply making small adjustments. The key to continually examine your life is to make sure you are following your own true path.

Questions to ask yourself: Did this week or day feel like my kind or week/day? What would make tomorrow or next week feel more true to myself?

2. Leave No Regrets. Although all of the people whom Izzo interviewed had some regrets, people who had the fewest were the happiest. A common theme, he discovered, is that people don’t regret risks that failed; instead they regretted not having risked more.

Questions to ask yourself: Did I act on my convictions this week? How am I responding to the setbacks in my life right now? Am I stepping forward or retreating?

3. Become Love. The more you focus on acting with love, the more you will find happiness, says Izzo. This begins with choosing to love yourself and breaking away from thoughts that are self-defeating and self-critical. You must make loving relationships a priority in your life.

Questions to ask yourself: Did I make room for friends, family and relationships today or this week? Did I spread love and kindness in the world at each interaction?

4. Live the Moment. Living the moment means living your life now rather than simply planning it. “We must always live in the present moment, the only moment in which we have any power,” writes Izzo.

Questions to ask yourself: Did I fully enjoy whatever I was doing this day/week? What am I grateful for right now?
5. Give More Than You Take. Each day you have the power to give without limit. Izzo’s interviews reveal that people long to make a contribution. Giving connects people to something larger than themselves – whether it’s a supreme being of the entire human experience and journey.

Questions to ask yourself: Did I make the world a better place this week in a small? Was I kind, generous, giving this week? How can I be more that way tomorrow?

Perhaps the most important message to take away from The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die is that it’s never too late to start leading a meaningful life. Age doesn’t matter. All you need is the knowledge and the will to change.

Read the book on Amazon here.