Brice Royer

Your social group is contagious and can affect your health. Choose your friends wisely.

Do you have friends who understand you and would not hesitate to help?

You deserve reliable friends, and I’ll show you how to find one today.

I once asked a 94 year old woman: “What did you learn about life?” and she responded: “Surround yourself with reliable friends. You’ll find out who your real friends are after surgery.”

Wise advice. But easier said than done, right?

There are probably people in your life who are simply unreliable, judgemental, critical and emotionally draining. They may have good intentions, but you know deep inside they don’t truly understand your needs.

How are your friends affecting your life and what can you do about it?

Dr. Goleman, the author of the best seller book “Social Intelligence” writes that the latest research in neuropsychology suggests that your friends can influence your behavior, your weight, and your attitude: “Your social circle shapes your brain, cells and surprisingly, even your DNA.”

Yes, even your DNA. That wasn’t a typo.

Your friends are contagious.

You’re the average of the 5 closest people you surround yourself with. You are their average weight, height, attitudes and belief systems.

When your friends are unreliable, late to meetings, do not take care of themselves, discourage you and have a negative outlook about life, they will literally affect your cells, behavior, and emotional life. If your friends are healthy and have a positive outlook on life, research shows that you will have an increased sense of well-being.

To change your life, you need to change your friends or be highly contagious. Changing your social circle will literally rewire your brain.

No one is perfect. We can all be bad friends sometimes, myself included.

So what can we do about it?

3 Pillars Before Making Reliable Friends:

“But what if they need me? But what if I’m stuck with them? I can’t just ignore my current friends, I’ll feel bad.”

Who said you have to remain stuck? When we take responsibility for the time we spend with people, we gain control over our lives. Refuse to be a victim of a bad habit or decision you made 1 year, 5 years, or even 10 years ago, and decide to make better decisions for your future. Don’t feel guilty about this. You are doing your current friends and the world a favor by deciding to take some time off to become a better friend.

3. To attract reliable friends, be a reliable friend.

When was the last time someone said this to you: “How have you been lately? Do you need anything?”. Most people in the world are misunderstood, let alone heard. Be the one to ask that question first. Don’t wait until someone does. Imagine the look on that person’s face when you’re proactive about understanding their needs. Don’t try to “extract” value from people. Give more than you expect to receive. You already know this to be true.

Exercise: How to Start Making Reliable Friends in 10 Minutes

Here’s a simple exercise that many people have used, including myself, with great success. Whenever I fail to do this, it always backfires and I suffer the consequences. You can start right now.

1. Make a list of 3 people you admire. (Eg: Who do you find reliable, compassionate, and trustworthy?) They can be people you already know or people you want to be friends with. Don’t know anyone? You can find compassionate cross cultural people here.

2. Spend 30 min per day to help them. Do your research to find out what they need. If you don’t know, then ask them: “How can I help you?” or “Do you need anything?”. If they’re too busy or inaccessible, go help their friends or people they surround themselves with.

3. You will be turned down. You will make mistakes. Don’t give up. Hang in there. Do this consistently for 6 months or longer.

You don’t have to use this exact example if it’s too cheesy. Change it to reflect your own writing style. The point is you need to help them. It may feel strange and uncomfortable to express your gratitude at first “out of the blue” when you haven’t done it before. This exercise may stretch your comfort zone. Do not expect a response or seek approval from them. Simply give for the practice of giving which will transform you.

Send this email today. You deserve reliable friends. If you moved to a new city as an adult, you know how difficult it can be to make reliable friends. This isn’t an intellectual process — it’s an action step. I’m not teaching you anything new, you already know all this deep inside your heart. You just need to do it.

After sending that email to your new reliable friends, you will get momentum and you will begin to experience a feeling of joy and gratitude knowing you are giving to compassionate and dependable people.

Don’t wait. Just copy and paste this email to your email account as a template for you to start writing for 10 minutes, and send it to someone who has great qualities and is a reliable friend right now.

What if you’re feeling lonely and don’t have any friends? This applies to you too. When you surround yourself with compassionate people, you’ll feel more comfortable about opening up without being judged.

Where to Find Compassionate Friends in 2-Minutes.

• Make a list of 3 important qualities in friendship. (e.g: honesty, dependability and compassion.)
• Find 1 event and group where you will most likely find these people. (e.g: Where would reliable and compassionate people go? Hint: Many of them often work on causes greater than themselves.)
• Join events where you will find compassionate people and start giving to them often by asking them if they need anything.

If you want to meet compassionate cross cultural people, I recommend checking this event: Meeting compassionate Third Culture Kids while helping Haiti You will be able to introduce yourself in a safe environment and add them on your Facebook.

I actually met my girlfriend and other great friends through similar events like this! You don’t have to join this event, but at least find an event where you know will attract givers and compassionate people.

One last word…

You may not feel worthy or valuable, but you are worthy. The world needs you. We need you to take care of yourself and your family. We need you to be compassionate and dependable.

You deserve compassionate and reliable friends. Start being a good friend today, and that goes for me too, or my mom will kill me.